To mark Rainbow Baby Week (16-22 August), Rachel Burn, from the RCM’s media team, explains why she’ll never forget the incredible care from her bereavement midwife.
After losing a baby in 2023, I became pregnant with my son Ozzy just four months later.
I desperately wanted that pregnancy, but when I saw the positive test my first feeling wasn’t excitement – it was panic.
My bereavement midwife became one of the most important people in my pregnancy. Here are five things she did which made a huge difference.
1. She gave me somewhere to put the fear
I saw my bereavement midwife every two weeks throughout my pregnancy. I could tell her the things I was frightened to say out loud, such as I was convinced we’d lose this baby too and that I couldn’t picture bringing him home. I was scared to feel excited. She didn’t try to talk me out of those feelings – she listened.
2. She understand my triggers and came up with alternatives
I found certain parts of the antenatal clinic triggering, including the corridor and doors leading up to it. My bereavement midwife arranged for me to use a different entrance for appointments and scans so I didn’t get triggered when I arrived. It sounds like such a small thing, but to me it wasn’t.
3. She made scans feel a little less frightening
We’d discovered the baby we lost had died during a scan, so scans in my next pregnancy were terrifying. My bereavement midwife made sure sonographers knew my history before I walked into the room. I didn’t have to explain what had happened while already feeling frightened. They knew, and that changed how I was cared for.
4. She joined up my care
My anxiety during pregnancy became severe enough that I was also supported by the perinatal mental health team. My bereavement midwife worked with my mental health nurse so I wasn’t dealing with different parts of the system on my own. Together we made a mental health birth plan that explained what I needed to feel safe and supported.
5. She helped me believe I could have a positive birth
Towards the end of my pregnancy, my bereavement midwife took me around the labour ward before I gave birth. We talked about the things which frightened me and how we could make the room feel less clinical. It meant that when the time came, I wasn’t walking into a completely unknown environment.
When Ozzy was born safely, I had the positive birth experience which at the beginning of my pregnancy I genuinely couldn’t imagine having.
A few hours later, my bereavement midwife came to see us on the ward and I was so proud to introduce her to him.
Bereavement midwives don’t take away the grief and fear which can come with pregnancy after loss. Mine helped me carry it, while slowly making room for hope as well, and I’ll never forget the compassionate care I received.
This week is Rainbow Baby Week (16-22 August), which was created by UK charity Willow’s Rainbow Box to raise awareness of pregnancy after loss, the support families may need during this time and the work taking place across maternity services to help them through their journey.
